So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
