There is no way he is gay with that hair.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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