meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
