The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
