legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
