Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
