If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
