i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
