All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
