Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
