Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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