Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
