trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
