I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
