I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
