I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
