you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
