No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
