Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
