it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
