I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
