very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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