All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
