You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
