i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
