Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He better not be in your backpack
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
