Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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