my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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