Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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