Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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