he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
