so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
