He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
