hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
