so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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