I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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