honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
