I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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