they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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