as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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