woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize