Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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