Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
