I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
