WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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