I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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