I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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