was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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