I need to stop coming to work sober
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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