now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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