I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
