So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
