They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
