The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
