well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
