I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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