and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize