either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
