i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
