I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
