Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
