Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize