i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
