plz talk dirty to me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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