The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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