I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
