This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
