It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize