I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
