Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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