Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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