At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
