i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ladies don't puke and tell
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize