Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
