If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
