I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
