That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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