so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We talked him into tasing himself.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize