if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
