M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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