Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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