His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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