i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
