what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
