at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
