3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
