Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
