If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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