It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize