It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
