Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
