i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
