she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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