hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
