Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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