weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Boobs are out for the taking
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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