She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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